New episodes come out every Tuesday for free, with ad-free episodes and exclusive past episodes available for Wondery+ subscribers. What if your mother left to follow a cult… or you woke up in a morgue… or if your boat got caught in a storm and began to sink -- what would you do?&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;This is Actually Happening brings you extraordinary true stories of life-changing events told by the people who lived them.&nbsp;From a man who finds out a celebrity crush isn’t who she seems to a woman stranded in a Mexican desert fighting to survive, these stories will have you on the edge of your seat waiting to hear what happens next.

This Is Actually Happening

A Port Authority employee narrowly escapes from the 68th floor after a plane hits the World Trade Center on September 11th, 2001, but the most devastating impact comes from the psychological wounds that haunt her life for decades after.

203: The Long Shadow: What if you were on the 68th floor?

On September 11th, 2001 an ER Doctor finds himself in charge of the closest emergency room to the Twin Towers.

202: The Long Shadow: What if you ran the ER five blocks away?

A big Halloween party at an apartment complex in Redmond, Washington. Themed rooms and costumed partygoers. But by the end of the party, one of the hosts is dead. The police look to the partiers as the prime suspects: was it the guy in the devil mask, the bank robber, the construction worker? As investigators comb through forensic evidence, witness testimony, DNA, and even consult with a psychic, they zero in on one suspect in particular. But for what reason? Host and reporter Matthew Shaer (Over My Dead Body) returns to the scene of the crime, speaks with everyone about a night that still haunts them years later. It’s a series about race and policing, mislaid justice, cutting-edge science, and the kinds of weighty choices that cops and prosecutors make every day -- choices that, once made, are difficult to reverse.

Listen to SUSPECT: wondery.fm/Suspect_ActuallyHapp

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Wondery Presents: Suspect

A woman who finally finds her sense of purpose after a tumultuous upbringing realizes a mother’s ultimate horror.

201: What if you believed it was all your fault?

“All the reality that I had been putting off, and all of the denial, it all crashed in on me.”

 

Producers: Whit Missildine, Jason Blalock




Episode Summary: Growing up in the closet with a mentally ill mother, a man finds his true love, but as their past continues to weigh in, the only remedy he knows threatens to consume everything he’s built.




Today's episode featured Gabriel. Gabriel is now a psychiatric social worker and licensed therapist in Orange County, California. You can find out more about Gabriel on Instagram @gabriel.emmm.

 

Website for Jason Blalock: www.jasonblalock.com

 

Social Media: Instagram: @actuallyhappening

Website: www.thisisactuallyhappening.com




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Content/Trigger Warnings: drug abuse, drug addiction, opioids, overdose, death, suicide, explicit language

 

Intro Music: "Illabye" – Tipper

Music Bed: Ambient Themes by Nigel Coutinho

 

Services

If you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources.

 

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 

National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264

National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

200: What if you were consumed by your only cure?

Following early experiences of isolation and bullying, a man assigned female at birth finds a beautiful friendship, that soon descends into a bewildering cycle of gaslighting and obsession.

199: What if your deepest friendship was your darkest fate?

A woman with severe harm OCD encounters the many faces of death and dying but finds renewal in caring for others and ultimately herself.

198: What if you rescued everyone to save yourself?

After surviving a brutal upbringing in the South Bronx, a man finds himself on the other side of death following a minor accident and returns with a profound awakening.

197: What if you died?

A refugee recounts her experience of the horror and devastation of the Rwandan genocide.

What if you survived a genocide? [Rebroadcast - #113]

A musician is sideswiped by a sudden break into a nightmarish world that will not let him go

What if you had a ten-year nightmare? [Rebroadcast - #103]

After a chaotic upbringing, a man assigned female at birth finds a new community with caring mentors, when their mental illness threatens to unravel his entire reality.

What if you transitioned into an alternate reality? [Rebroadcast - #124]

A woman recounts her childhood dealing with a mentally ill father obsessed with Disneyland.

What if the happiest place on earth was your worst nightmare? [Rebroadcast - #79]

A man is relentlessly stalked by his girlfriend's ex.

What if her ex-boyfriend tried to kill you? [Rebroadcast - #114]

A woman who seeks awakening through myriad healing practices finds her ultimate challenge when she goes missing in a Maui forest.

196: What if you went missing?

Decades after her brother disappeared in the early 1980s, a woman becomes deeply involved in the search for a missing friend.

195: What if you never stopped searching?

A woman is haunted by a relentless threat of danger when her pursuit of safety turns into obsession.

194: What if you ran but couldn't hide?

A man haunted by an early childhood trauma finally establishes his own identity only to be sideswiped by another unwanted, shocking exposure.

193: What if your deepest secret was shared with the world?

A lifelong traveler heads out for a quick bike ride in the Swiss Alps and finds herself lost in a dark, icy unknown.

192: What if one wrong turn meant life or death?

Growing up with a close, religious family a young woman’s aspiration for perfect beauty turns her into the very image of herself she was afraid of.

191: What if you suffered from trichotillomania?

Following an early childhood trauma, a woman seeks to fill the void with a series of unhealthy relationships, until a fairytale romance promises to be everything she ever wanted

190: What if your fairytale was finally within reach?

Growing up in a home of abandonment and neglect, a teenager finds a grand, new reality in the rabbit hole of addiction until they can no longer find their way back.

189: What if you couldn't stop shining?

A woman grows up with an idyllic childhood in Scotland, when a phobia of mysterious origin begins consuming her thoughts and eventually her future

188: What if you spent four years inside?

A young man growing up in an abusive home falls into a whirlwind romance that throws him into another cycle of chaos

187: What if you were trapped all over again?

Growing up with an unreliable mother, a woman develops severe OCD with multiple phobias, until she must confront the most improbable scenario

186: What if you were consumed by a preposterous phobia?

Grappling with her identity and disruptive health anxiety, a woman reaches in adulthood with a dream job and strong community, when suddenly her worst-case scenario becomes a reality.

185: What if you kept shaking hands with death?

Growing up in an environment of constant change, a woman vows to find a different path to stability, only to have a shocking revelation turn her world upside down

184: What if you didn't know who he was?

After making a successful career and surviving several tumultuous relationships, a woman descends into the darkest depths of severe mental illness

183: What if everyone was watching you?

A mother struggles to raise her child through a series of chaotic relationships, when one day, as her daughter’s mental illness spirals out of control, an unthinkable decision will change their lives forever

182: What if your daughter committed a seemingly unforgivable act?

After a traumatic childhood, a young woman spirals into mental illness and in her darkest moment makes an unthinkable decision that will change her family forever

181: What if you committed a seemingly unforgivable act?

A young woman’s first trip to reconnect with her homeland in Ethiopia takes a terrifying turn as hijackers take over an otherwise routine flight

180: What if your plane was hijacked?

A horrific accident leaves a man severely disabled, but after hitting rock bottom in his recovery a new life opens he could never have imagined

179: What if a horrifying loss led to a grand adventure?

A woman finally escapes the trauma of her mother’s mental illness only to find a new, more horrifying monster in the very place she finds respite

178: What if you couldn't tell him what really happened?

Having adapted to the challenges of growing up with cerebral palsy, a woman is sideswiped into a new life after a crash she can’t remember changes everything.

177: What if you woke up two months later?

A woman develops a severe eating disorder that lands her in intensive psychiatric care, where an extreme treatment program traps her in an alternate reality from which she cannot escape.

176: What if you were trapped in a never-ending dream?

A man’s rage grows after growing up with racism and abuse, leading to transformative encounters with brutality, violence and ultimately, inner strength.

175: What if you had their knee on your neck?

A woman answers a Craigslist ad for a job and ends up on a harrowing night that doesn’t add up

174: What if you couldn't remember that night?

A mother faces the ultimate tragedy at the hands of those who are supposed to protect and serve.

173: What if your cry for help led to an unthinkable tragedy?

A woman fights for her life after her husband turns into a monster.

Holiday 2020 Rebroadcast - #100: What if he wouldn’t let you leave?

An American working in Tokyo ends up in the crosshairs of a notorious organized crime family.

Holiday 2020 Rebroadcast - #87: What if you were hunted by the Japanese Mafia?

A woman is left stranded by her abusive boyfriend in the middle of the night in unfamiliar territory

Holiday 2020 Rebroadcast - #78: What if you narrowly escaped with your life?

After a brutal rape at age 11, a woman keeps her secret, only to be haunted decades later by events that compel her to confront her deepest fears

172: What if you were lured into an unspeakable hell?

Growing up surrounded by racism and police brutality, a man tries to understand and heal his past by seeing what’s really inside the belly of the beast.

171: What if you saw inside the belly of the beast?

A young woman hungry to explore the world goes on a trip to Tanzania and unexpectedly finds herself caught in an endless cycle of impending doom.

170: What if you didn't sleep for 120 hours?

At a young age, a man develops a fetish for diapers that ends up reshaping the course of his adult life.

169: What if you were an Adult Baby Diaper Lover?

A woman self-medicating for anxiety and depression spirals into an alternate reality after an other-worldly encounter

168: What if you believed you were Jesus Christ?

After growing up in a rigid Christian community, a woman finds beauty in revolting behaviors.

167: What if you had a fetish for disgust?

After visiting a psychiatrist for mild anxiety, a young man embarks on a wild spree that will alter the course of his life forever.

166: What if you didn't have any fear?

Growing up blind and isolated from her peers in a strict upbringing, a woman finds empowerment in a kinky world where the power balance is reversed.

165: What if you were a blind dominatrix?

After a teenage girl begins dating her mom’s student, a shocking accusation leaves a small-town family in ruins.

164: What if a shocking accusation devastated your family?

The uncanny, extraordinary, true stories of events that have dramatically altered the lives of ordinary people; a son is shot by his own father, a woman's sister develops multiple personalities, a man wakes up in the morgue. These are riveting, moving and often haunting stories that will stick with you long after you listen.

All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are available ad free with Wondery+. Join Wondery+ to access the full This is Actually Happening catalog, along with exclusives, binges, early access, and ad free listening. Available in the Wondery App. https://wondery.app.link/happening

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Introducing This is Actually Happening

After tragedy strikes a Vietnamese refugee family, a young man finds his new home in a violent gang, forever marking his life path through acts of destruction and redemption.

163: What if you grew up in a violent gang?

A woman puts the pieces of her life back together after a childhood spent inside an insidious religious cult in Los Angeles.

162: What if you grew up in a cult?

After growing up in an abusive household, a man confronts a startling, ambiguous loss

161: What if you suffered a shocking loss?

Stranded in a Mexican desert, the ocean waves of Guam, and the sandstone boulders of Utah, three people face their deepest fears in the unforgiving wilderness of the natural world.

Happenings Vol. 1: No Man's Land

A woman walking to work in the early morning hours faces the ultimate terror.

160: What if you were assaulted by a stranger in the dark?

A lifelong friendship filled with care, love and personal growth takes a shocking turn in the aftermath of a brutal act of violence

159: What if someone you love committed a monstrous crime?

A man suffering the deep generational traumas of poverty, racism, abuse and mental illness finds transformative power in an ancient plant medicine

158: What if you entered The Void?

After 30 years running a Zen Hospice center, a man reflects on what it's like to help transition people through the dying process.

Rebroadcast - #43: What if you witnessed a thousand deaths?

A Yale student moves to Congo to pursue his journalistic dreams and finds an ignored world of people suffering under war and dictatorship whose stories never make the news

Rebroadcast - #93: What if you witnessed the limits of human suffering?

A young black girl born to a drug-addicted mother is adopted by white, middle-class parents, only to face more sinister taboos as she becomes a stranger within her own family.

157: What if you couldn't tell anyone?

A young man looking for a quick way to get rid of student loan debt gambles with his life and nearly pays the ultimate price

156: What if you swallowed 48 bags of cocaine?

A young woman is forced to make a decision about the fate of a father she never knew.

155: What if you had to pull the plug?

After surviving a family broken by drug addiction and mental illness, a woman finds out her mother’s death was tied to one of the most notorious crimes in American history

154: What if your mom was murdered by a serial killer?

A man walking through a parking lot one night is jumped by two strangers and thrown into a car with no idea where he's being taken

BONUS Episode - Tyson Was Abducted - from What Was That Like podcast

A young girl’s world is turned upside-down by the early death of her father, but starving herself to cope with the pain becomes a sinister companion

153: What if you wanted to disappear?

A man becomes a hero during a horrific act of war only to face the worst of it after he survives.

152: What if you were a human shield?

A woman finds respite from childhood anxieties in relationships only to enter a spiral of mental illness and unexplained phenomena.

151: What if he made you think you were crazy?

A girl straddles many worlds growing up biracial with a single white mother whose new boyfriend brings chaos into a peaceful home.

150: What if you were trapped in a cycle of abuse?

A priest struggles to transform his life after facing the consequences of his most shameful secret.

149: What if you committed child sexual abuse?

Firmly established in adulthood with a great career behind her and a wonderful life, a woman suddenly finds herself to be an unlikely perpetrator of the most horrible transgression.

148: What if you killed someone?

After finally being accepted to an elite college sorority, a woman makes a new best friend whose terminal illness leaves her consumed by uncertainty.

147: What if your best friend was dying?

Struggling to find his identity after college, a man suddenly suffers from panic attack that leads to a terrifying downward spiral.

146: What if you thought your mother was a robot?

A woman suffers immeasurable trauma at the hands of her abusive parents as traffickers, resulting in a number of “alters” that inhabit her.

Best of TIAH #1 – Rebroadcast - #120 What if you had Dissociative Identity Disorder?

A single mother raising a uniquely gifted child experiences the worst thing that could ever happen to a parent.

Best of TIAH #2 – Rebroadcast – #94: What if the worst thing that could ever happen to you already had?

Megan’s close relationship with her mother turns into a shocking, unthinkable nightmare when an unlikely intruder enters their home.

Best of TIAH #3 – Rebroadcast – #112: What if a murderer appeared at your bedroom door?

After his best friend contracts a rare disease, a man’s friendship deepens as they grow into adulthood together, only to end with a sudden, shocking turn of events.

145: What if your best friend met a tragic fate?

A woman sinks into a psychological black hole following what was supposed to be the greatest moment of her life.

144: What if you suffered from postpartum depression?

Leaving her sheltered but complicated evangelical Christian past, a woman explores a kinky relationship that leads her to some of the darkest corners of the world.

143: What if you were seduced into a whole new world?

A woman finally establishes herself in a job she loves when a customer commits an act that will change her life forever.

142: What if it happened in broad daylight?

Growing up in a small Midwest town, a teenage girl forms a close friendship with a boy from a nearby town, when things unexpectedly take a very dark turn.

141: What if you witnessed a horrific act?

Struggling with depression and gender dysphoria, a person finds solace in an online community, but relationships become shockingly complicated by the disruptive actions of one notorious member.

140: What if you were entangled in a web of shame?

A family who for years struggled to cope with the aftermath of a traumatic injury now faces a far more terrifying unknown: the disappearance of their father.

139: What if your father disappeared?

A woman is three months pregnant when her husband’s pursuit of a fugitive turns their world upside down.

138: What if at three months pregnant your world was turned upside down?

Growing up in a household full of both love and violence in Mississippi, Kiese Laymon struggles with generational trauma, career success, and addiction before finally facing the silences of his past.

137: What if you were the one to break the silence?

Terra Newell is thrown a nightmare scenario as her mother’s new love life spins out of control, while the ordeal takes on a new life as the centerpiece of the famous Dirty John podcast and TV series.

136: What if you had to fight for your life?

After self-medicating for years to cope with the emotional aftermath of an abusive, religious upbringing, a woman goes in for a minor surgery, and when she emerges, everything has changed.

135: What if a minor procedure left you permanently altered?

Announcements for the upcoming Season 9 of the This Is Actually Happening podcast

Season 9 Announcements

After devoting his life to a singular passion, a man develops a rare condition that threatens to crush his dreams forever.

134: What if your singular dream fell to pieces?

A woman finally establishes a life for herself after years of caring for her mother’s illness, only to watch her entire life be consumed before her eyes.

133: What if your life went up in flames?

A young man falls deeply in love after meeting the girl of his dreams, leading to an unexpected event that leaves him with an irreparable void.

132: What if you were kept from the one you loved most?

After surviving a father whose mental illness consumed the family, a woman spirals down into psychosis and compulsive behaviors, finally leading her on the path to healing.

131: What if a psychotic break split your life wide open?

After coming to terms with her identity, a woman develops intrusive thoughts that consume her most important relationships.

This Is Actually Happening

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Latest episode: Tue Sep 14 2021