How to Let Go of Your Shame
from SOLVED with Mark Manson
by
Published: Mon Sep 01 2025
Show Notes
Chances are, there’s something in your life you feel deeply ashamed about—something you’ve never told anyone, something you can’t even admit to yourself. In this episode, we go deep into the emotion we all experience but almost no one wants to talk about: shame. Where it comes from, why it’s so powerful, how it screws up our lives—and more importantly, how to deal with it.
We cover the biology of shame, the psychology, the evolutionary roots, and how modern life (especially the internet) completely messes with our shame systems. We talk about healthy vs. toxic shame, how it shows up in addiction, relationships, perfectionism, and self-sabotage, and why most of us either try to hide from it or end up being controlled by it. You’ll also hear from members of my team about how shame shaped their lives in surprising ways.
As always, this episode is brutally honest, deeply researched, and sprinkled with a few bad jokes. But more than anything, I hope it gives you the awareness—and the tools—to start facing whatever it is you’ve been avoiding. Because you can’t outrun your shame. But you can learn to live with it.
We also put together a free companion guide for this episode with all the takeaways, references, and tools to help you get your sh*t together once and for all. Download it here: https://solvedpodcast.com/shame
Ready to stop listening to podcasts and actually start taking action? Join the Solved Community, a group of like-minded people who are taking small steps every day to make big changes in their lives: https://findmomentum.com/shame
Sign up for my newsletter, Your Next Breakthrough. It will help make you a less awful person: https://markmanson.net/breakthrough
Chapters
Introduction
Chapter 1: Shame's Hidden Architecture
Chapter 2: Key Definitions
Distinguishing Shame from Guilt
State Shame vs. Trait Shame
Shame vs. Embarrassment and Humiliation
Shame, Trauma, and their Interrelationship
Chapter 3: The Neurobiology of Shame
The Shame Spiral
The Learning Paradox of Shame
Chapter 4: The Shame Compass
Personal Experiences with Shame
Workaholism as a Coping Mechanism
The Allure of Shamelessness
Chapter 5: Individual, Familial, & Cultural Sources of Shame
Geographical Impact on Shame
Cultural Values and Shame
How the Greater Culture Shapes Shame
Chapter 6: Digital Technology & Shame 2.0
The Digital Divide
The Relationship Between Technology and Anxiety
Protection Strategies
Chapter 7: Developmental Stages of Shame
Understanding the Origin of Shame
The Role of Parenting in Shame Development
Chapter 8: How Therapy Transformed Our Understanding of Shame
Carl Rogers and the Safety Revolution
Albert Ellis and the Cognitive Revolution
The Influence of Albert Ellis and Carl Rogers
The Emergence of Reparenting and Inner Child Work
The Rise of Internal Family System
Brene Brown's Work on Shame
Chapter 9: Tools to Address Your Shame
Stoic Principles for Perspective
Perspective Shifting Techniques
Chapter 10: Tuning Your Shame System
Recognizing Unsustainable Shame Patterns
Kristen Neff's Self-Compassion Framework
Understanding Shame as Obsession and Resentment
Overcoming Shame and Personal Growth
Takeaways fr...